It’s Christmas eve and I have a moment alone. Tyler went with his father to the store to buy eggs for tomorrow’s breakfast and so I am sitting here in silence, enjoying the “fire” that’s blazing on the television screen and the lights from the Christmas tree.
Of course, my thoughts while alone go to “What am I doing with my life?” — the same as usual, but I’ve been pretty good at setting that train of thinking aside for a bit and concentrating on the moment. But as I was reading a new blog I stumbled across, I couldn’t help but to have a little tiny miracle (a shift in perception) regarding this sort of thing…
I think that purpose is something that we only recognize in retrospect. I do believe that there’s a such thing as intention and everything, but what if purpose is like this picture:
Blurry, hard to make out what it is…
Then, as we go along, it’s a little more focused and pretty, but still, we don’t know what the big picture is…
And then… maybe at the end of it all, we finally see the whole picture… how every little twig, branch, light — how everything comes together to make one big, beautiful picture. But we can’t see it until it’s over.
When I think about life in this way, the tension from my body melts away and I breathe a sigh of relief. My mind thinks: “wait a minute — you mean, I can just go with the flow?” That sounds like a much better plan than the one I’ve been following… which just leaves me dizzy from all the repetitive loops I find myself caught up in. Perhaps my only task is to be myself and find a way to use that to service others. That’s it. All the rest is just details. It’s not right or wrong or good or bad. It just is.
Maybe my purpose is to just live as who I am.
On this Christmas eve, I am so thankful for this little miracle. I’m thankful the life I have. I am thankful for the wonderful food I got to eat, the company I got to be around, the conversations I got to participate in, and the kisses beneath the mistletoe. 
Life is quite beautiful and I’m glad that I’m finally getting to a place where I can see it again.
Happy Holidays!